Master Ji Ka Ghar

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.

Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Ayodhya

Sidhu dials a number. A girl receives the call.

Sidhu: Who r u?

Girl: Seeta here.

Sidhu: Maine to Amritsar phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.

Buri Sangat

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.

Santa: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Vibration Mode

Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.

Doctor: What happened?

Son: Bimari ka to pata nahin par bapu suba se vibration mode ke laga hai.

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Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.

 

Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: Le karle number note.

 

 

 

Pita Ka Naam Roshan

Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.

Father: What are you doing?

Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.

Frog's Suicide

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.

Blonde: Hai.

Frog: Nahin hai.

Blonde: Hai.

Frog: Nahin hai (& jumps into a well.)

Blonde: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?

Football Shutball

In a football match.

Lalu: Ye log ball ko foot kyun maar rahe ne?

Boy: Goal kare he liye.

Lalu: Paar ball to pehlan hi gol hai, aur kitni gol karengey

Grehsathi Aur Sadhu

Santa ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.

Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

Jokes

Museum Administrator: That's a 500 year old statue you have broken.
Laloo: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

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Laloo apni khoobsurat bivi Rabri k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha set kiya. Laloo gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!

Any Hint?

Laloo: Agar tum batao ki is bag ke andar kya hai, to sare eggs tumare, agar batao kitne eggs to 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hain to vo murgi bhi tumari.

Rabri: Koi hint

9 to 11

Lady doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Sajan: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am - 11am hai.

Mosquitoes Vs Men

Lalu was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

 

***

 

A group of men decides to fight mosquitoes with swords. They found a mosquito sitting on head of a man. They kill it with sword. Another mosquito sitting on head of a man was also killed.

 

Next day head of the group told media: Iss jang me 2 log hamare mare gaye or 2 unke.

Tripple Ride

Santa, Banta & Sajan were riding a scooter. A traffic cop tried to stop them.

Santa: Sorry bhaji, already 3 baithe hain bilkul bhi jagah nahin hai.

Impossible

Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.

Santa: Tum ne dictionary dekh ke nahi kharidani thi na...!

Second Shaadi

Santa: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.

Jeeto: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?

Santa: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai

Boiling Knife

Rajan: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?

Sajan: Suicide karne ke liye.

Rajan: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?

Sajan: Kahin infection na ho jaaye.

Shaadi

Girl: Will u marry me?

Sajan: No, hamare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se.

Falling in Love

Sajan apni girl friend ko I love you kehta hai aur gir jata hai.

Girl Friend: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?

Sajan: I'm falling in love.

Rent

Land lord: ok, I give you 3 more days to pay rent.

Tenent: Right sir,I select the days of Dival, Holi and Christmas.

Krishna

Ik aadmi ki 6 fingers thi.

People used to call him Krishna...

batao kyon?

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Kyonki uska naam Krishna tha.

India Vs Pakistan

A hen lays an egg at Indo-Pak border. Both countries start fighting over egg. Finally Indians say whoever kiss more women in other country will keep the egg. Pakis say ok. Indians go to Pak and kiss 1000 women. Excited Pakis say its our turn now.

Indians say: Keep the egg.

Jai Hind !!!

Shocked Thief

Chor ik ghar main chori karne gaya.

Tijori pe likha tha "Tijori ko todne ki jarurat nahi hai 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jaegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.

Jate jate chor seth se bola: aaj mera insaniyat se vishvas uth gaya hai!!!

Pyara Baccha

Vo bi kya din the jab ladkian apko apni baho main leti thi kiss karti thi aur kehti thi:

Kitna pyara baccha hai!!!

Muskurati Ladki

Boy to friend: Dekho voh ladki meri taraf dekh ke muskura rahi hai.

Friend: Yeh to kutch bhi nahi, jab maine pehli bar tumari shakal dekhi thi to 3 din apni hassi nahi rok paya tha.

Garmi Lagti Hai

Ik aadmi kabar ke oopar baitha tha. Musafir ne poocha dar nahi lagta?

Aadmi: Darne ki kya baat hai, andar garmi bohot thi thori der ke liye kabar se bahar aaya hoon.

Kabristan

2 men sitting in a kabristan were talking.

One said: Yeh murde bare aram se apni kabron mein sote hain.

Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kiyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai...

All Out

Voh choom le ik bar to aati nahi neend

Unki meethi avaz mein jati hai raat beet

Iss liye kehta hu ye risk na uthao

All out lagao machar bhagao…

Quiz

Q Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad.
A Sita went to Lanka.

* * *

Q What does a kangaroo say when he finds her kid missing?

A Aaila!! kisi ne mera pocket mar liya.

* * *

Q What would you call a girl who never laughs?

A Hasina

Raising Children

Ek 10 saal ka kid bohot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: "Bachon ka paalan poshan kaise kare".

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Kid: Mein yeh dekhna chahta hun ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

Tumhara Kya Hoga?

Boyfriend: Kya tum meri salary mein guzara kar logi.

Girlfriend: Mein to gujara kar lungi par tumhara kya hoga.

Kitne aadmi the?

Gabber Singh ka janam hua to uski ma ne thapad mara. Pooch kiyun? Ma se poochta tha: Kitne aadmi the?

SMS Karo

Vaqt noor ko benoor bana deta hai.

 

Chhote se jakham ko nasoor bana deta hai.

 

Jo ham ko sms nahi karte,

Bhagwan onhe insan se langgor bana deta hai.

Gita pe haath...

Lawyer to Lalu: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "

Lalu : "Yeh kya , Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Gita pe haath!!"

Elephant and Bananas

An elephant has 5 bananas and it is hungry, but yet it does not eat the bananas. Why ?


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Because the bananas are made of plastic. 

Next...Q





The bananas are real, yet the elephant does not eat them. Why?

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Because the elephant is made of plastic.

Hahhaa...never give up...one more..




Both the elephant and the bananas are real, but yet it cannot eat them.
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Why ?

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Because the bananas are in the TV. 

Ooops!!! Cool down...





Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV, but yet it 
cannot eat them. Why? 


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Because they are on different channels. 

Hohohohoohohoh. .hehehe 




Both the elephant and the bananas are real and in the TV and on the 
same channel, but yet it cannot eat it. Why? 
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Come on think yaar....
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Because the TV is off. 

Kikikikikiki


Now Finally the Elephant gets a chance to eat the bananas. Why?
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Arey kaam Karo apnaa.....Kya bigada hain usne aapka...Khane do naa bichare ko !!!! :) 

Break Fail

Jeeto: Kyon ji, aap ne gaadi ki speed kyon bada di hai?

Santa: Break fail ho gayi hai, accident hone se pehle hi ghar pahounchna chahiye.

Gift MRF Tyre

Santa: I want to gift something special to my wife on our marriage anniversary.

Banta: Give her a diamond ring.

Santa: No, I want some big thing.

Banta: Give her an MRF tyre.

Fake Car ?

Banta: Why did you buy your wife a huge diamond ring for her B'day? I thought she wanted a car.

Santa: She did, but where in the world was I going to find a fake car?

Hen's Abortion

Santa breaks an egg to make an omelet. He finds the egg empty.

He gets frustrated & says: Kamal hai! Aaj kal murguian bhi abortion karvane lagi hain.

Mango Tree

Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?

Banta: Apple khane.

Bandar: Par yeh to aam ka ped hai.

Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.

SMS Reply

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.

Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

Lalu!! the Genius

Lalu found answer to the most difficult question ever: What came first- the chicken or the egg?

Hum jiska order pehle dunga, vahi pehle ayega na!

Baniya

Train mein ik mosquito Chinese ke sir pe aa baitha. Vo us ko pakar ke kha gaya.
Fir ik matchar baniye pe baitha. Us ne pakar ke Chinese ko poocha "khareedoge kya !!!"

Yoga Style

Agar yoga karna jante ho to hathi ke upar sar ke bhar khare ho ke photo khichvao, ab photo ko ulta kar ke duniya ko dikhao!!!

First Class

A newly married girl got first class in B.Ed .

Her excited husband sent SMS to his father-in-law: Your daughter is first class in Bed.

Ullu

Angry boss: Tumne kabhi ullu dekha hai?

Man: (sar jhuka ke) Nahi sir

Boss: Neeche kya dekh rahe ho? Meri taraf dekho.

Beggar's woes

Bhikhari: Sahib ik rupaiya de do.

Sahib: Kal anna.

Bhikhari: Iss kal kal ke chakkar mein iss colony mein mere lakhon rupaiye fasse hue hai!

Baba ka Chamatkar

Baba Ji ka dera bohot chamatkari hai. Sach mano vaha jo bhi koi buri niyat se jata hai, jalke bhasam ho jata hai. Salman vaha gaya to bhasam ho gaya, Hrithik bhi bhasam ho gaya. Malika vaha gayi to…

….to anarth ho gaya….

Babaji jalke bhasam ho gaye!!!

Train Chali

Ek train bohot time baad chali.

Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bla tali.

Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali.

Sikh kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!!

Missed target

Musharraf: Jab main paida hua tha to military valon ne 51 topen chalai.
Santa: Kamal hai, sabka nishana chook gaya?